Don’t waste your life on grief

I guess I’m revealing my age as I admit that I remember the Good Humor Man ice cream trucks and the Helms Bakery trucks driving around the neighborhoods in California. As my father had his upholstery and custom built furniture shop behind our house I could always run out there when I heard the whistle from the bakery truck. I still remember the taste of their freshly baked cream puffs, cookies and donuts, freshly baked bread. If you happen to not remember the bakery trucks, i can say that they were large trucks with some of the longest pull-out refrigerated drawers I have ever seen. The driver was always very cheerful and friendly man. Honestly, those memories are very dear and sweet to me. In fact, my mouth begins to salivate while just thinking of those delicious products. Luckily I’m very rich in figuratively sweet and pleasant memories.
In fact, memories, both those bitter and sweet are an integral part of our lives, especially if we are lining in chronic pain. Over the years I’ve met so many suffering people who prefer the bitter memories. Most of them are driven by anger and resentment due to their situation. And some of them even get some grim sense of satisfaction when they blame their parents or God or anything. I’ve never agreed with them as I don’t really see the blame of anybody in such situations. I would say that’s in us, in our DNA, and there is no ones fault in it. Of course you can say that it’s God’s fault, but if you feel like this, maybe it would be good to have a talk with God about it? But if you don’t believe in God, then this won’t work. But still, many atheists are using God’s name in vane. Maybe it’s pretty too cruel to blame God about everything that’s painful and unpleasant?
From what I know, bitter memories get worse with age. But believe me, there comes a point in your life when you have to move on. In fact, everybody finds healing in forgiveness. This is what you are doing for yourself. We are willing to forgive other people’s harm, but are we willing to forgive our own weakness? That’s very important if you live with chronic pain. It’s important to realize that this is how things go, there aren’t others to be blamed for it, and the only way to feeling better is to try living to the fullest with what you have. I know that this may sound difficult for those who can’t stand their daily pain but believe me, being angry at everybody and everything is not moving you forward. All in all, with pain or other diseases, we are alive and that’s the most important. Moreover, it’s not a wasted time of your life even if the sickness lasts for years. There is still so much to do and to be done. I’m very sad to read how some of people in pain complain about their life. And I don’t have on my mind just feeling sorry about yourself, but really showing to others how broken you are inside. I’m sure some of you will agree when I say that there is no really individual case. I mean, we are all suffering, someone more someone less, but our lives are similarly complicated. Personally, it gave me some energy to think that I’m not the only one who has such problems. For me thinking that there are other people who are dealing with similar issues gives me power to fight with it too. So why to think that my case is the worst in the whole world? I’m not saying that people who write this are definitely doing something bad, as they write what they feel, and this way may also help them to get rid of the heavy ballast. It’s just that it’s much lighter to believe that there could be always worse situation, so I’m still lucky to be in the one I’m. Life isn’t easy. I can easily say that most of us have been offended, slighted, betrayed and met offensive and selfish people in our lives. But this is just how the life looks like; it’s not always a fairytale. However, mixing life’s cruelty and chronic pain, for me is too much. 
Bad thing is that not everybody with problems is looking for special treatment. There are really many great counselors, psychologists and psychiatrists who are really well educated to help you. If you feel permanently anger, grief, disappointment, I would really recommend you to see one specialist. If this simple visit can help you, why not giving this a try? Also a talk with someone form your church can be helpful, especially if your belief is deep. And one more, never ever doubt in the power of a good friend.
All of us know that sometimes there is no cure for chronic pain, but there is available cure for bitterness and recrimination. Living in pain doesn’t mean living on the edge. You don’t have to be unhappy. There is still so many things worth attention and energy. Just think of your closest family and friends. They should be one of the biggest motivations to have a normal life even if you feel pain in your joints. There is always nice to find this one, effective thing that makes you smile. For example when I feel down, I call my children, visit my grandchildren, or do shopping. I’m living with chronic pain for years, but I’m still full of life even if sometimes I feel like not going out of my bed at all.  Try to face the problem with self-assurance. There are times that you find something totally out of your reach, and then try to exchange it for something possible and also pleasant. Even one hour per day that was spent on bitterness is lost forever so don’t waste your precious life.
When we are not able to find the strength inside our soul or body, take a look around you, the positive energy is everywhere. Just listen to it carefully and be open for it.

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