One Cardiac Stress Test Please

Yesterday I had a cardiac stress test. It was going to stress only my heart. The rest of my stress, well… it’s my problem to deal. Those ones of you that keep reading my blog regularly know, I don’t like to travel as it’s really not so well for me as I have a bad sitter. It’s the sacroiliac joints which support the upper body and pelvis for human sitting. But anyway, my first wrong move was taking Mexican food the night before. They messed something up and understand me wrong, I didn’t want to drive back to exchange it so I just looked for anything green or suspicious looking. And I must admit I don’t remember time when I have to run to the facility so often, as yesterday, at least not since my last colonoscopy. It was really irritating on the highway or even at the hospital because of my problems that needs surgery to fix. But as for a fairly old lady I was moving pretty fast when my dignity was at stake.
My cardiologist was great man, I knew he would handle the day with precision and competence. He has that something that makes him a wonderful teacher and there are always crowd of young people around him any time I see him. Cardiac stress test checks the limits of your heart’s potential and there are two ways of doing it, you could either walk on a treadmill to tire the heart and see what’s going to happen or you could get meds that makes tiring for you. As for me, medicine called Adenosine was used that opens up the blood vessels. It was an obvious choice as my knees are weak and my endurance was in question and I really couldn’t see walking on treadmill especially not to become tired.
They told me I could not drink coffee or taking any caffeine for 24 hours prior to the test, which wasn’t a big problem as I only drink one latte each morning and I don’t really need it to work. I ate small yogurt before the 9AM – not eating border. Then we spent two hours driving to the Portland, OR. When we were on the highway, I saw there were so much tall brown grasses along the road. Oregon is usually all green, Jim when asked said it’s a fire hazard.
When we finally reached the hospital and reported to the nuclear medicine department, they started an IV and pumped an isotope into my vein to see the various angles and vectors of my heart under the special nuclear medicine machine. I had to lie down on a long narrow table (which I’m pretty sure was designed for anorexics or 13 old girls.) They said I cannot move for half an hour and this machine will be rolling around me, about 3 inches from my nose. I noticed that I have a larger nose than typical.
But the nice technician said, “Well, I haven’t broken anyone’s, yet.”
I saw a large Magnolia tree just outside the window with a few large, lush white blossoms on it. I also saw small X mark on the ceiling just above my head. They took my left arm above my head so it wouldn’t fall across my heart and my right arm was placed at my side. It was really long half an hour, especially if you’ve already made 12 voyages to the bathroom. I also hate lying in one place, especially when it comes to my sitter. So I seemed to be more than hour, not only 30 minutes. After it stopped rolling around me, they needed to help me to get up as my rear end and left arm were totally numb. I asked if I could take a pain pill with a sip of water and started crying. As I said, I hate crying on the eyes of strangers and I try not to, but it came just by itself without asking. They allowed me to take a pill and a muscle relaxant as well. I get another thirty minutes to recover and for my pills to work. Then we were waiting for cardiologist that will perform next phase of test. He is always a little late, but as for me, it was worth to wait that time. He finally arrived, of course with small crowd of students. I decided to walk out for a minute to talk with Jim and tell him what was going on, he was drinking coffee and reading his mystery book in the waiting room.
In another room, we waited for another doctor who showed up with two other doctors. He asked me to tell him the recent happenings in my life and I gave him full info. One of the doctors who also came asked me if I was preparing for knee surgery. I said, “No, I’m having the ‘the old lady with your insides falling out let’s tuck it all back in there,’ surgery. She laughed and said, “Wouldn’t you like to see that on a doctor’s business card?”
It was time to give me the Adenosine, they informed about all of the possible side effects that may showed up. They also explained me that it would dilate my blood vessels and that I might feel flushed, my pulse might get faster and I might feel light-headed. They also said it would only last for six minutes. Before I bite my tongue I said, “Gees. It sounds a lot like sex.”
The sense of humor as always did its’ job and the tension in the room dropped down about 50 percent and we started. I must admit it wasn’t so bad. I informed them when I began to feel tachy (as in tachycardia) and my doctor asked me if I know that that word has many meanings, with smile still on his face. I said, “Well, since I’m not glue or wet paint, in this case it probably means my heart.” It was like a mammoth sit on my chest, of course I told them that. It finished quickly and was over quickly as well. We all said goodbyes to each other and I left sitting on the edge of the table waiting for the next part. A young technician came in with a bag of potato chips and two glasses of water. She said that I’m lucky as boring chips just run out and I get these gourmet chips with salt and extra ground pepper. “Unfortunately”, I said, “because of that pepper I’ll be up all night if I eat those.” So she went away and came back with a voucher and said, “Go to the cafeteria and get all the fat you could to help the gallbladder flush out the meds and come here again in a half-hour.” So I grab my husband and we went to eat.
After that I was lying under to rotating machine once again, but this time with EKG running and only for 20 minutes, thank God. When they helped me to get off that torture table, the young man asked me, “Was it the same?”
“What do you mean?”, I said.
“You know, the same as sex?” he replied.
And I said, “Well, quite close. Took about the same time, but don’t tell my husband.”
 “Well, the wives are the keepers of the truth,” he said laughing.
We backed to the car to start journey to the home and while we was driving towards the highway we heard the information on the radio that the highway was closed for three miles due to the fire along the road. Fire was caused by a truck’s brakes. Day ended in perfect way.  We stopped as Jim wanted something to eat. I got a slice of banana cream pie because I was able to. After two hours and another extra hour of driving through the detour we finally got home. It felt really nice to get home after such day full of work. I’ll get my results in a few days.

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